Other Half
by CharlieMae
Summary: Derek's forth sister has been kept a secret but why? What secret does she bring with her? After a brutal attack the truth will come to light.  first time using fanfic so sorry for the mess. all current characters included when needed.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything apart from Tasmin Shepherd obviously.**

"Remember me Tasmin, please remember me" A handsome man of possibly 40 years of age, stares into her eyes, almost with desperation. "Please."

She looks back at him, her deep blue eyes connecting with his, she would never forget him not even with her injuries but she cannot speak, she does not want to speak. It just became one too many. Tasmin lay in her hospital bed. Injuries which would make the weak look away the extent telling a story of survival, betrayal, strength and evil.

"Tasmin Shepherd, 39 female, injuries sustained from an attack keeping close observations due to head trauma, cleared of internal bleeding, 52 stitches of her right wrist and 7 on her face. Dislocated jaw, fractured eye socket and broken left arm." A young burley intern presented the case which disheartened Tasmin she did not want the attention or too be presented so clinical.

"Has she said anything Mark?" the question comes from a resident standing behind what appears to be her interns, her brown hair swept behind her ears and concern slapped on her face. The Man whom pleaded with Tasmin before just shakes his head and walks out of the room. The young resident follows.

"Lexie, I don't like this not one bit, I just want to cry... to cry TO CRY GODDAMIT"

"It's Okay to cry Mark" the resident walks over to Mark to hold him in her arms, he steps back. "Hey" she places her palm on his cheek and she feels the warmth of his body and wipes the tear away that has escaped "it's ok to cry" she reassures him.

Mark pulls her hand away "NO IT'S NOT! She doesn't get to cry then I don't get to cry"

_In a bedroom, on a cold winter NYC night, the twins were sleeping, one bed on either side of the room. The door swings open and a light is switched on startling the two children, in the door way stands a strong presence of a woman, their Mother. Beside her a small boy with red puffy eyes and rings beneath them, the woman leads him into the room with a sleeping bag in one hand and the boys small wrist in the other, she then pulls a mattress from under one of the beds, drops the sleeping bag on the mattress then proceeds to leave the room switching the light back off as she drifts past. _

"_Hope you don't mind" the small intruder sniffs still standing at the foot of the mattress. The children in each of the beds stir, one boy, one girl. The boy walks towards the mattress with no hesitation in the dark and throws it against the wall the girl slides between her bed and the wall proceeds to push until her bed and her brother's bed kiss. Altogether the three children climb into bed side by side with no words spoken they fall to sleep, for the small intruder it was the best sleep he had had in months._

"I AM GOING TO KILL THE FUCKING BASTARD!"

"Derek please, please calm down" A small thin blonde women begs her husband, standing in front with her eyes glued to his face. The anger and the commitment to what he was screaming was clear in his deep blue eyes.

"THAT IS MY SISTER MERIDETH MY BLOOD, MY BESTFRIEND, AND LOOK AT HER, LOOK AT HER FACE... look at the hurt on her face... I can barely recognise her... I can barely rec..." tears start to swell in his eyes "She is my sister, can you imagine Lexie in that bed looking like... like that"

"Derek, Tasmin is my sister too, it hurts me too. She is a fighter Derek and she doesn't need her brother to end up behind bars, she got him Derek... she fought and she really screwed the guy over... just be there for her."

Derek walks over to his sister's room staring past the blinds in at the woman lying in the bed. Her heads rolls to the side and catches Derek's eyes, their eyes identical both deep blue and both staring with pity. He felt sorry for her and she felt sorry for him. Derek hesitates, hovers at the door and with no courage, no real feeling he opens the door, steps in and shuts the door. He needed courage to face her, to hold her hand and to hold her like when they were little. Derek knew what he was supposed to do, what he wanted to do but he felt guilty.

It had been 4 years since the twins had talked before Tasmin came to Seattle 3 weeks ago and in those four years Derek had been divorced, dating, married, he nearly stepped away from his career, he had become chief of surgery and stepped down from chief of surgery and he had been shot. Derek never spoke to his sister about any of this, he never told Meredith one of his sister's was his twin and he never showed up for Tasmin when her husband died. The guilt of the last four years of neglect hit him as hard as a train when he stepped into that room. So he just stood at the door gazing at his sister with his dreamy eyes. And cried.

"Derek." Tasmin croaked, "Look at how fucking messed up I am, I just want to slam that bastards head into... into... something"

Derek had no idea how she spoke, where she pulled the strength from to do so was beyond him. He opened his mouth to speak but words failed him. He walked over grabbed her hand ever so softly and laid next to her, pulling her into his chest. When she spoke he knew how to be her brother again.

"I have seen the bastard Tasmin, and to be honest you did slam his head into something... real hard, you fought T, you fought real hard and to be honest I think you won" he gave her his dreamy smile.

"Must be all that fighting we did, you trained me well D. Not so much that Mark fella he was a push over" She had noticed the tall handsome man hovering in her doorway, concern and hurt destroying his charming face. She was letting him know she was ok; this was something she could deal with.

Mark was so relieved at the sound of her voice, it made everything seem kind of ok, and like it was something they could move past. He stepped into the room and joined them both on the bed only being able to sit at the foot of the bed but none the less letting Tasmin know they cared. Her brothers were there for her.

**Short Chapters are the way to go**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything apart from Tasmin Shepherd obviously.**

_4 years earlier_

The knocking at the door was constant and it scared the hell out of Tasmin as she lay in bed with her husband, no more bad news she thought, there was no way she could handle anything else right now. She had just found out her husband had 12 months to live at most. She got up and walked to her window peered down at the front entrance to see her brother frantically thumping at her door.

"Who is the maniac at our door?" her husband said trying to lighten the dark mood that filled the air.

"That freaking lunatic, I call my brother. I can't deal with this Ryan, not now, not tonight. How did he find out anyway?"

"He couldn't have which means he is here for some other reason Tas, go down and check please before my door breaks or Derek's hand breaks"

Tasmin reluctantly goes down stairs once she reaches the bottom of the stair case she is kind of glad he is here, she could tell him everything, release all the worry that had just been cast upon her, he would hold her, tell her Ryan will live, they were doctors they could fix this. She was so sure about telling him that it was the right thing when she reached the door, she opened it and found a soaking wet shattered Derek Shepherd standing in front of her.

"She slept with him, she cheated on me, with him, MY FUCKING BEST FRIEND!"

"Addison? Mark? What? When... calm down Derek... D you need to calm down"

"Please just let me stay...let me in... it is over I am never going back, never talking to them both ever again I just... I just want to... MY FUCKING BESTFRIEND!" He punched the wall startling Tasmin, she was caught up, intertwined in a bundle of emotions and had no idea what she was going to say next, it just happened.

"You go back Derek, you fight for your wife, you show her you love her, show him you forgive him. That is your wife and your best friend Derek, don't push them away and lose them over this, you don't have to lose them over this...Derek look at me." Tasmin was starting to feel rage she knew she was hurting her brother by not siding with him but she can't tell him about Ryan dying now, she can't let him in and there is no way it was fair that she has to lose her husband and he thinks he can walk away from his wife. "Derek you either go back to your wife NOW and sort this shit out or NEVER speak to me again this is the last straw with me you can't expect me to be here for you to hold your hand through a divorce after the crap you put me through at work, after we caused that boy to be paralysed, IT'S ALWAYS POOR DEREK FREAKIN' SHEPHERDS SAD LIFE. I WILL HELP YOU WITH YOUR MARRIAGE BUT NO FREAKING WAY WILL I HELP YOU DESTROY A FAMILY!" Tasmin was screaming at him and was aware that Ryan was grabbing for her waist trying to calm her down.

"Tasmin come inside, let him inside let's not do this now" Ryan swooped in with his soft voice his calm nature and pulled Tasmin into his chest.

" NO SCREW YOU, I DON'T NEED YOU TASMIN AS FAR AS I AM CONCERNED YOU ARE TAKING THEIR SIDE, YOU ARE BETRAYING ME AND I HAVE NO TWIN SISTER, HAVE A FUCKING MERRY LIFE!" Derek turned to stomp off in disgust when Ryan grabbed him by the collar and king hit him in the jaw. Derek fell to the ice cold wet pavement hard.

"You have no idea Derek, and no right to speak to her like that no matter what shit you are dealing with. Goodnight Derek come back when you are sober and willing to talk" Like that Ryan calmed the mood, Derek got up and walked away, probably to a pub nearby. He walked past Tasmin inside and hesitated as he turned towards her.

"Why didn't you tell him, the truth, instead of turning his problems into a personal attack?"

"I don't know. I am so sorry Ryan."

"Are we fighting this alone now?

"Yes."

"Do you think you and Derek can ever be right now?

"too much too soon, the boy and his surgery we were barely speaking as it is and now... well now I will just wait and see. I just don't know."

_Present_

Tasmin woke to find Derek still holding her tight and Mark on the couch curled up. Her body was pounding and pain was stabbing her from head to toe.

That man was going to rape her she thought and there was no way she had any wishes to die and no way she was going to be taken advantage of. The attack was a vague memory. Walking to her car after work, after losing a young woman, her transplant heart had failed her, a man was waiting by her car she recognised him as the woman's husband. He grabbed her by the wrists next thing he was hitting her so hard across the head until she fell to the ground. Tasmin got a hit in before falling and it had taken the man by surprise, next thing she knows he is forcing himself on top of her, undoing is pants. She vaults him into the car door, he drops to the ground, she crawls to her feet and starts kicking him hard, all her rage in every kick. Tasmin cannot feel a thing she sees the gash in her arm pouring blood but no recollection of what happened and no pain to indicate it was there. There was shattered glass on the ground where the man lie, with every kick he tried to grab her ankles, suddenly she felt his evil grasp on one and fell again landing hard on her arm, possibly fractured, she manages to raise one foot and slam her heel into his crotch which was exposed leaving his penis to be sliced by the glass beneath him. He screams a scream of pain and anger and she takes the opportunity to run, he was not going to be able to chase her. She feels light headed and dizzy and collapsed just as she steps inside the hospital lobby doors.

Tasmin is surprised she remembers so much, it felt like a nightmare and even though she has woken up she can still feel the pain.

She looks at her brother cradling her, what a crazy three weeks it had been since she arrived in Seattle she thought. Tas decided to change her life, she needed to move on but she needed to move on with her family by her side. Nancy had been there for her when Ryan had died, and staying with her older sister was comforting and all but it's not what she wanted, Nancy wanted to fix everything. Every day she spent in her sister's home she was nagged, _ring Derek you have to tell him_, _did you even know Addison and Mark are in Seattle, all is forgiven, you have to tell Ryan's three best friends he is dead,_ it just went on and on and Kathleen was worst being a shrink analysing Tasmin for hiding everything away. No one could believe Ryan had been fighting the cancer for over 12 months, the only people that knew were the Chief of Surgery, his oncologist and doctors and Tasmin. Ryan was a world renowned Neurosurgeon so keeping it secret in a hospital was difficult but they had decided it's what they both wanted. How silly it seemed when he was gone that she had kept it a secret because really she struggled especially when the tumour had spread to his brain.

When it hit his brain, he was no longer Ryan and that had scared her that had shifted her life, her beliefs and everything she knew way off balance until it crumpled and was all destroyed. The man she loved stood in front of her but was gone already and had left his body behind.

"You awake?" the voice had startled Tasmin.

"Are you?" She responded

"Well aren't we two world class doctor's, unable to distinguish when someone is alert and awake and when someone is sleeping" The humoured banter was thrown around between them.

"Asleep." She pointed to Mark on the lounge snoring. "Awake" pointing at Derek.

"Pretty clever" Derek slowly got out of his sister bed and screamed in pain. "HOLY CRAP, dead arm, dead arm, dead arm**, **dead arm."

"What'ser goinon" Mark awoke slurring his words and very disorientated but immediately looked to Tasmin to make sure she was ok and safe.

The twins started laughing so hard, which caused Mark to chuckle along.

Then it came. The cold harsh tears rolled down her bruised warm cheeks. She hadn't cried since Ryan closed his eyes in her arms and slowly froze into a permanent dream. Then Derek cried, for his sister, for Ryan who had been taken from the world too early, for his unborn child and for the pain his wife endured which drove her to scream at the man with the gun to shoot her. Then Mark interjected.

"I am going to be a father, to Callie's child"

"Oh Mark, you haven't changed one bit have you?" Tasmin sniffed. Derek sat there in jealousy and disbelief.

**Mark just broke baby news, and i hope the flash back wasn't confusing :) Please R&R**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my character i have created**

_3 Weeks earlier_

"I am so glad that little girl pulled through today; it would have been so hard for the parents having their only child diagnosed with a brain tumour." Meredith pulls her husband into her and they share a kiss, so light yet so deep.

"Mmm, It has been a long day, what do you say to dinner by the fire?"

"Yeah why not"

"Are we all invited to dinner by the fire or is this just a Meredith – Derek invitation only, kind of devastated if so."

"Shut-up Alex of course we are invited-"Lexie gets a look from Derek and Meredith one she has seen plenty times before. "Oh no no no romantic sex beside the fire. I AM NOT GOING OUT. I'm tired and and...and I have no friends. Yeah. I have to stay here; I have no friends to go out with"

"I'm your friend" Avery walks into the room mid conversation with April trailing behind fresh from a shower.

"Are we being kicked out again?" April casually says, this had happened often before with Derek and Meredith trying for kids.

"Gah" Lexie gets up and death stares Derek. She then looks at her sister. She storms to the fridge. "You chose to have a frat house you live with it"

Meredith giggles and Derek pulls her closer into his chest.

"Don't worry by 8 o'clock they will all be gone" he whispers.

Above all the tension in the kitchen comes a knock from the front door. Derek leaves Meredith to answer the door expecting a Mark or Christina on the other side. He opens with a grin on his face carried over from the kitchen antics.

He opens and takes in the person standing in front, smile on her face, dark brown hair and deep blue eyes glowing back at him.

"Hey Derek, missed me?" His grin drops and he slams the door shut. He turns and heads straight for the stairs.

"Change of plans, I am going to bed" The kitchen falls to silence and Meredith face moulds to concern.

"Who was at the door?"

"Nobody important"

The knock continues.

"Derek? They're still there, what did they want?" Meredith turns to open the door.

"Meredith, I swear to God if you open the door I won't be in our bed tonight!" Derek was worked up and Meredith could tell he was serious.

Alex jumped up and opened the door partly curious partly protecting Meredith. The door swings open leaving the woman standing between the frames. She see's Derek on the stairs, a petit blonde woman at the foot of the stairs and a really cute guy in front of her.

"Well I wasn't expecting this." She steps in the door. Derek storms up the stairs and Meredith follows.

"Ahhh..." Alex just stood slightly inviting her in but mostly confused at why this woman had sent Derek Shepherd into a rage. "Kitchen?" he directs her with his hand. As they walk in too the silent room April, Avery and Lexie just stare.

"So Seattle is nice. Nice weather. I guess. Wow" The woman takes in a breath. "This is really awkward, you know you three staring and you eating." Alex had gone back to his sandwich he had made when he realised there would be no cooked meal.

"Are you his dirty mistress?" Lexie asked fast but breaking the ice and bringing up the elephant in the room.

"Lexie" April hissed and all eyes turned to her. "Well um. That's a no right, considering well just look at you. Very beautiful of course but I am going to take a shot here and say you are a Shepherd maybe a sister?" Not only was the resemblance obvious but April had too much respect for Derek to believe he would ever had a mistress.

"Ooooh" the three others chimed in together.

"So this is really strange, I am at my brother's house, in his kitchen with a bunch of people I have never met, know or have any idea how they know Derek. Care to fill me in."

"Nope." Alex walked out he didn't need any family drama's and had no intention of getting involved in Derek's.

An awkward silence filled the room glances thrown across the room April to Lexie, Avery to Lexie, April to Avery.

"Right." The woman began to feel like an unwelcome outsider. "Well I am Tasmin Miller-Shepherd. It is um nice to meet you all."

"Like Tasmin Miller, like the Dr Tasmin Miller Cardiothoracic Surgeon?" Lexie made the connection.

"You won the Harper Avery, twice." Avery chimed. This was his chance for an attending to take him under their wing. "I am Dr Jackson Avery" he extended his hand.

"Dr April Kepner"

"Lexie Grey"

"You're not a doctor?" Tasmin enquired noticing no introduction of Dr. So and so.

Lexie was taken aback. "Yes. Dr Grey, I don't get it, why have we never heard Derek or Mark speak of you. Are you like the little unforgotten, 'who cares if she is a surgeon' sister, because like no offence you are a pretty, like, well known awesome surgeon and well Christina, Meredith's wicked dark and twisty sister, has spoken of you, well not that she is like ah a stalker or anything, no. That would be weird and kind of a really cool coincidence but no she is a cardiothoracic obsessed surgeon and she has spoken of you in front of them and never not once has any of them said, oh wow that's my sister you are speaking of funny story that."

"Does she always talk this much?" The other two nod.

"YEP!" Alex chimes in from the living room.

"This is a really nice house, this Derek's?"

"No it's Meredith's?" April answers before anyone else can jump in.

"Who's Meredith?" All three look down at the bench. Alex walk's in.

"You don't know who Meredith is?" He laughs why he says it. "Maybe I will stick around for this."

"The small blonde woman?" Tasmin pushed on. If Derek wasn't going to talk to her she may as well help herself to information from the room full of doctors.

"Yeah, that's Meredith. But you know _who _she is right?" Alex carried on.

"What do you mean who she is?"

"Meredith is Derek's wife" Lexie answered this time.

"Post-it wife." April corrected. Avery just smiled and shook his head he found April's admiration of Dr Shepherd amusing.

"Crap." Tasmin was taken aback. She assumed that Derek was still with Addison considering the last update she had from Nancy was that Mark and Addie were in Seattle and they were giving everything a second shot. She considered walking straight back out that door. Derek wasn't keen on talking and there was obviously a lot to talk about. He had never mentioned her to any of, what she assumes, is his friends. He was 'Post-it' married whatever that was and she had the biggest news to break to her brother.

** x x x x x**

"Derek" Meredith entered their bedroom and sat next to her husband. "Who was that?"

"Nobody"

"Really because she didn't seem like nobody, you are obviously acting like she is someone and someone important" She reached over to him to grab his hand which was clenched together with his other hand. Derek hit her hand back. "Derek! Should I be...worried?"

He looked into her eyes, it was a broken look and as he spoke it was as if he was grasping for words in thin air. "I can't say Meredith. I have lied for too long. It's just – "

"Derek, please tell me. I am now worrying, I don't have Christina she hates me at the moment, I am living in a nut house, I need you, I need this to be nothing, but I need to know." Meredith had tears in her eyes, after everything, after the shooting, losing her baby, watching her husband die, this was forever and this thing he was keeping from her needed to be not such a big deal. Derek grabbed her face and kissed her forehead.

"This isn't big, this isn't a wife I have been hiding from you, this isn't another woman I am sleeping with, and she isn't a mother of any child of mine. But. She is family and the fact I haven't told you this isn't a measure of trust or how important our relationship is, this is family, and what I am about to tell you is not a big deal, it just...it just hurt me and the longer I left it the more it hurt until I wiped it, until as adults she didn't exist. The longer I left not telling you, well it is hard to say now because it is as if it's a secret, that is not the case, Meredith I didn't tell you because I didn't want to deal with how I felt, how important she really is."

"Is she your sister? You have kept a lot about your sister's a secret. Why do you have screwed up relationships with all your sisters?"

Derek nodded "She is my sister. But that isn't the whole story"

Meredith didn't drop her stare she looked Derek straight in his gorgeous blue eyes, she was slightly relieved already. The woman is only his sister. But she couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to tell.

"Tasmin"

"What?"

"That is her name. Tasmin, Tasmin Miller."

"She is a doctor isn't she?" Meredith said blankly

"Yes _The _Dr Tasmin Miller, Cardiothoracic surgeon"

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"You never said anything, with Christina's obsession and constant yapping about great surgeons and the Harper Avery Award. Nothing. What happened Derek?" She took a deep breath still not breaking eye contact. His head tilted to the side. "So this is not such a big deal, your sister is a cardio goddess. That's it?"

"No, that's not it, that is nothing, that is me blocking her out of my life. I really don't want to say what I am going to say next."

"I don't understand what can be such a big deal."

"Tasmin is my sister, my twin sister."

Meredith pulled back from her husband. He had a twin sister that is usually something told on the first date or the second. Not years into the relationship, her head spun a little it wasn't a big deal but in context it shifted everything she knew. Looking at Derek she needed an explanation, she pleaded with her eyes to go on.

Derek smiled and lifted her into his arms as they shifted into lying in their bed, her head lay across his chest and his lips touch her hair. He kissed Meredith as tears welled in his eyes. The lump in his throat grew as he tried to tell the story of Tasmin his twin sister.

"We were close and when I say close I mean close. The boys of the family were Dad, Tasmin and I. Yeah Tasmin was like a brother to me. We fought, we played sport in the backyard, we climbed trees and we went fishing. We grew up with no real change. Causing mischief driving all three sisters' crazy, being quite chuffed with ourselves that we were dad's little mates. When dad died it shattered us, we were both there with Amy. If it were possible we became closer shared everything between each other and hid it away from everyone else." Derek paused and squeezed Meredith and she could hear his voice shake. "Mark, Tasmin and myself where as thick as mud. Growing up with them was just crazy; we charmed everybody and we got what we wanted. You would like her, you really would."

"Hmm, but then what happened?"

"So we went to med school together, we had the same friends, we worked together and had the same colleagues. Tasmin and Addison were best friends, Mark and Tasmin were best friends, Ryan, that is Tasmin's Husband, was Mark and I's best friend, Carey, Tasmin's best friend was like another sister to Mark and I. It was one freaky family and it got to a point where I couldn't handle it. None of us could handle it but we didn't realise till it was too late. It all fell apart. We knew it was too late when we ruined a little boy's life. Joshua cooper."

"Who?"

"He came to us through the E.R. it was a simple case, he had injuries which needed immediate attention from neuro and cardio and that came to the conclusion of surgery done simultaneously so Tasmin and I scrubbed in like we had done plenty times before to do a simple, low complicated surgery. It was going well, it was going to be all over in an hour I was finishing up and Tasmin had probably half an hour to go, we were talking like any other time, then bickering and bitching about small insignificant stuff, saying things about our friends, I told her I was sick of her hanging around my friends and she said the same thing. Problem was we couldn't distinguish who was whose friend our lives were so intertwined it was ridiculous. I didn't notice it. I was distracted. The fact was I could have repaired it." Meredith could feel his chest rattle as he held back the tears.

"Repaired what Derek? I am sure there was no-"

"The inadvertent Spinal Cord injury, the boy walked into the E.R with a concussion, which it wasn't he had fluid on his brain but that was fixed. I was so caught up in my own little world. So caught up. I missed what Tasmin's operation was revealing. We carried on like children and that child. That boy that poor boy never walked again. Any other surgeon even a resident would have detected what was happening except for the two in the O.R. Meredith it was horrible, we were yelling at each other in surgery and I walked out because I was angry at my sister. Joshua will never walk again."

"Oh God" Meredith lifted her head from his chest.

"Then my life changed" Derek grabbed Meredith's hand as they lay on top of the doona. He began to tell the story of the night he had found Addison with Mark and after a few drinks he knocked back at the pub he went to Tasmin's place after weeks of not talking, weeks of silent surgeries, he went to ask his sister for help and she had turned him away, she stood up for the traitors, his whore of a best friend and his unfaithful cheating wife. "Ryan hit me, he hit me. I never understood why. I never went back or talked about her ever again. I assume she was still good friends with Addison and Mark. I had lost all my friends, wife and sister in one night... I moved to Seattle and never looked back, I met the love of my life whom I want to have my children with, you should meet her Meredith I think you would like her." They both began to grin.

"It's not such a big deal. I get it. I get why you didn't tell me, you tell me about her when we first began dating and you lie about why you don't speak now. You tell me when Addison left and it begins to feel like a secret like it could ruin our new very unstable relationship."

Derek loved the new optimistic bright and shiny Meredith, he loved that she was like that because of him. He loved how she never overreacted and that she was calm in a crisis.

"I love you"

"I love you too Derek. So what are we going to do with your other half down stairs? Want me to scare her away with crazy wife antics or maybe scare her away and say all of us are your lovers." She began to laugh and he joined in.

"No it's time I put this behind me. I miss her. But it isn't going to be so easy. I should have called and told her I was getting a divorce, or that I had found the love of my life, I should have called her when I had a successful clinical trial, I should have called her when I nearly walked away from surgery or when I proposed to you, I should have called when I married you, when I took chief of surgery, when I was shot, when I lost my child, when I stepped down from chief of surgery, Meredith a lot has happened and she won't like the secrets I have kept. Really we had never had any secrets before and now it seems our whole relationship is built on not talking and keeping secrets."

"Did Mark and Addison ever talk of her, because she has never been brought up in front of me?"

"They never said anything, which I thought was weird but I never was going to bring her up."

"Shall we go down stairs?"

They kissed and Derek nodded. Meredith led the way and Derek followed.

**please R&R**

**thoughts on the sister and Dereks reaction. **


	4. Chapter 4

Meredith entered the kitchen to find all five were talking about surgeries. They had left the conversation of Meredith and Derek as all five thought it was better told from Derek himself.

"You have to meet her, she is a cardio groupie, but I must admit she is really amazing at cardiothoracic surgery. I wish I had a passion for a specialty like her." Lexie was talking about Christina Yang to Tasmin. They had already talked about nearly every other resident at Seattle Grace Mercy West, including bragging about the surgeries they had pulled off.

"Except-"April began.

"Since the shooting..." Alex didn't know how much he should say. "Well, ever since she saved your brother's life with a gun pointed at her head, she hasn't been able to step into an O.R. and has quit. Always thought she would make it to the end, guess I never thought it would be this crazy though huh."

"Is there anything you haven't shared with my darling, charming, sister?" Derek voice made everyone jump bar Tasmin; she didn't even turn around to look at him.

"Well I did think it was time to clear things up after I saw your face plastered all over the T.V screens, news readers informing my brother had been shot, my twin brother. You fool. They didn't just tell me that, I thought it was a mistake when they had Derek Shepherd and Chief of surgery hand in hand. Wow D, we are really good at keeping in touch oh and being stubborn. I even decided to ring mum first before having to set off for a visit. I guess it was the silly T.V show doco thing they had on that really convinced me, yeah I couldn't even watch it so don't get your ego boost."

Everyone including Meredith took her speech as a cue to leave. Lexie, Alex and April stunned that Tasmin Miller was Derek's twin sister; Avery wasn't because he really didn't know that much of Dr Shepherd anyway.

"So I finally had to be shot for you to come and say sorry."

"I am not here to apologise Derek"

"Go home then. The sooner you go on back to New York the better." His voice rose slightly.

"Fine I am sorry, sorry that I came to see my only brother who is too pleased with his life to even consider anyone else's. Fuck Derek honestly that is your wife, don't look at me like that, she looks nice and all but I have heard of this Post-it bullshit what is she? Commitment phobic? Ha I am right aren't I. Jesus Christ D."

"There you go again; this is taking Addison's side again. You will always be hung up on that, she destroyed me T don't you get that and Meredith...Meredith and my post-it marriage means a hell of a lot more than any marriage I had with Addie, Meredith will never jump into bed with Mark or any other man, she would never hurt me, can't I have that? Do you not want me to be happy?" This was clearly turning into a full on screaming match. They were both standing in the kitchen seeing each other up close for the first time in 4 years.

"Ok. OK! I am sorry, but the full story D, you don't know the full story."

Derek looked at his sister confused, how he could not know the full story was impossible. It was his story, his life story or was it.

"You need to sit down. I am about to tell you something that will hurt you that will confuse you but please Derek, pretty please..." Tasmin began to tear up. "... Don't walk away from me."

Derek began to panic he could tell his sister was different, he could tell that whatever she was about to say would was serious and he wasn't sure he was ready to deal with anything more, so he took the opportunity of Tasmin composing herself to stall.

"I thought about you when I was shot, because if I died I could only imagine how unfinished our fight was, we had the fight but never the forgiveness, never the apologies we haven't spoken since I left your doorstep that night. The reason was I was confused at how you reacted, I get that we weren't in a great place but we are Derek and Tasmin the Shepherd twins. We were 'The Twins'. So when I was lying around recovering from the wound in my chest I thought about how I would feel if anything happened to you and I never got to say goodbye or even know anything that was happening in your life, I would have died as chief of surgery with a wife you would have never met and really T I would want you there for Mer. I need you to be there for her because I know you and I know that you would be one of the only people to help her."

Tasmin stared past Derek and into oblivion every word he spoke made the guilt and the pain of her next sentence that more painful.

"His dead" She breathed the word ever so softly.

"Who?" Derek saw his sister freeze, as if she had just had a dagger put through her heart. The pain was obvious, and Derek feared she wasn't talking about their Dad or some patient that had been a hard loss to her. Every single person had bounced around in his head for that few seconds left unsaid, but Derek knew deep down he thought he always knew.

So Derek finished her sentence.

"O God no. Ryan. Oh for fuck sake not Ryan. Tasmin." He reached for his sister's frozen body and embraced her as he broke down and cried. She just stood there knowing the next sentence made it ten times worse.

"3 years ago Derek, he died three freaking years ago. I am so sorry you are only just finding out." She stepped back.

"No. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO! Get OUT of my house. OUT NOW!"

"I hear this isn't your house D."

Derek grabbed the bowl with Avery's leftovers in it and chucked it at her feet; it smashed and caused food to fly all over his sister. Meredith heard the yelling and the smashing a decided to see what was happening. By the time she entered Derek was holding Tasmin by the collar.

"YOU'RE A LIAR, YOU'RE NOT WELCOME HERE."

"Derek what are you doing? DEREK! Are you ok? Let her go Der." Meredith pulled on his arm and he released her and stormed out of the kitchen and out the front door slamming it so hard it just bounced open again. "I think it would be best if you left."

"No, I am not leaving; he is hurting I get that. But I need my brother because I need my family and there is no way I am going to stay with my mother or sisters. I need my brothers and they are here in Seattle. Do you know why he is like this, it's because I just told him my husband died 3 years ago but he needs to hear the whole story."

"Seriously?"

"I can't leave just yet Meredith"

"Are you ok? Will Derek be ok?"

"Yes and I have no idea, you know Derek, you know what he is like now even better than I do. Do you think he will be ok?"

"I am sure he will be fine"

"I think I better go after him, tell him the truth." She gazed out the window having no idea where he would be, if this was New York she knows where he would be.

"He will be on his property in the woods, where we are building our home"

"Thank you." Tasmin couldn't even break out a smile. He was building a home, she had no idea about his life anymore and this made half of her want to turn around and go back to New York. "Suck it up Tas" she whispered to herself.

"Look, give me a minute and I will take you." Meredith offered, she was hesitant but this was Derek's twin, and he had always pushed for Meredith to care for Lexie and she is now glad he did, not at the time but now. Hopefully this would work out the same way.

Tasmin just nodded.

The car trip was silent, Meredith concentrated on the road, her heart slightly pounding harder, Derek grabbing his sister around the collar the way he did spooked Meredith a bit, it simply looked wrong for Derek he had never been violent towards Meredith let alone any other woman.

"Derek grabbed you." Meredith said blankly she was sick of bouncing it in her head and decided to let it out.

"Yeah I really thought I was going to cop a punch"

"What, he hits you!" Meredith was alarmed; she really didn't want an answer.

"Oh gawd, I bet that sounds bad, well it does when you put it like that, but hey Meredith you have to realise I am his sister, we grew up wrestling, punch ups and pretty much just being rough, mind you it mostly stopped when we grew up and became adults but who are we kidding when do we really become adults. He isn't violent, contrary to the bowl smashing and the grabbing of my collar-"

"And the punch ups with Mark" Meredith added.

"Punch ups with Mark? Interesting. That supports my theory Mark is part of the whole brotherhood of rough play. He isn't violent just part of the brotherhood of rough play."

"Brotherhood of rough play? Is that a thing?"

Tasmin laughed "Ah well it is now"

The two women talked a little on the trip to the woods. It was small talk but none the less they began to get to know each other. As they pulled up Meredith pointed out the significant bits and pieces of the property. It was a relief for Meredith to see his car over near the trailer.

"Well I am going to stay in the car and take in the view, look he is over on the trailer's veranda"

"I think you should come over too, this will be the hardest story I have ever told and there is no happy ending."

"It's ok if he needs me I'll be here."

"I think I need you there, I don't why but it will help me. Please."

They got out of the car, Meredith led and Tasmin dropped further behind the closer they got to Derek. Meredith reached Derek and whispered something in his ear as she kissed him on the cheek. He nodded and apologised to Meredith for storming out.

"I just... just a little shock" He said to Mer.

"D." Tasmin said as she stood at the steps.

Derek turned and looked at his sister. "I am ready to listen now." His facial expression didn't change.

_Present_

Tasmin lay in her bed after her brothers left, still in pain but better than earlier that day. Callie entered to check on her dislocations and broken bones that she had earlier operated on.

" Hey you, just doing a post op follow up. Don't mind my poking and prodding but let me know if it causes too much pain. OK."

"Ok. So Calliope I believe a congratulations are in order, for the little bud inside of you."

"Thank you, I am guessing Mark told you, you know he is really manning up to this daddy thing."

"So you are going to let him be a part of this kid's life, like I am an aunty and all. This is Mark's child you're not going to hide it away in your relationship, are you? Take it away and try and raise it as your own little lesbian miracle baby."

"Ok I get your in pain and on morphine, so I am going to let your little rant just slide but seriously Tasmin where is this coming from?"

"You have done your follow up. I think it would be best if you left and I would prefer it Calliope if you kept your distance to me, just looking at you makes me queasy."

"You are way out of line!" Callie began to raise her voice but it soon registered she was yelling at woman whom was unrecognisable because of the trauma her injuries caused.

"Do you think I care about stepping over a goddamn line, you don't seem to care either would have thought sleeping with your friend without protection as a line? You crossed that one, but for what reasons." Tasmin let out a moan of pain and Callie glanced at her vitals. "Calliope I think you used Mark, I think you used him to get what you wanted"

Callie was nearly in tears. "I think I should leave before I let the hormones take over and stop your morphine, if you weren't lying in a hospital bed all smashed up I would call you a bitch, right now. Clearly you are the perfect best friend and sister because those two couldn't stop raving about you and talking about you for the past 4 years I have known them."

Meredith caught the last part of the conversation and was upset by what she had heard. Meredith had grown to love Tasmin, even though Derek hadn't forgiven her or forgiven himself, Meredith had spent the time with Tasmin in the last three weeks she had learnt more about Derek's past than any other sister or friend of his cared to share. Everyone else from his past never included Meredith in much, but Tasmin had. She had genuinely wanted to get to know Meredith and they both discovered that they got along well. This had meant Meredith was being put on Tasmin's service often since she had gotten a job at Seattle Grace Mercy West as a Cardio surgeon, working underneath Dr Alderman.

"Dr Torres may I speak with you?" Meredith got Callie to step outside; she had no idea how she was even going to say what she wanted to scream at her. "What the hell was that?"

"I have no idea, I get it Meredith she is all broken and stuff, but she was saying some really cruel stuff and I just... snapped"

"Don't come back to this room. You're an attending and I am a resident and I get I have no power over you but I swear to God Dr Torres you come back here and I will never place any respect with you ever again."

Callie stormed off, taken aback by Meredith's threat and Tasmin reaction to the pregnancy. As she stepped into the elevator she began to tear up.

"Damn hormones..." she whispered to herself.

"Callie you alright?" Alderman was standing at the back of the elevator but stepped forward and placed her hand on Callie's shoulder as she broke down in tears. "I know it's scary and awful to what happened to Tasmin right? I mean she really did well to fight back, it could have easily been me which makes me feel slightly responsible, if I had taken on the case I could have ended up in that hospital bed unrecognisable. Hey Callie... seriously what's wrong. Do you need me to page Arizona?"

Callie straightened up and looked past Alderman to the back wall of the elevator.

"You know Mark hasn't spoken to her since she came to Seattle, the same with Derek. Derek listened to her side of the story but he didn't want anything to do with her and Mark was siding with Derek apparently she tore a massive hole in all their relationships. 4 years is a long time and all this crap she goes on about being Mark's best friend. Calling me trash. Like sleeping with him was my entire fault. I feel like I hate the woman and she is lying in a hospital bed in unimaginable pain. That just makes me feel even worse, to top it off obviously Mark is talking to her now this has all happened because she knows I am pregnant. Unless it was Meredith, which means... ARGH I don't want to feel like this!" Callie worked herself into a state with slight hyperventilation.

"Torres, you need to breathe calm down." Alderman strengthened her grip on Callie's shoulder. Teddy was lost for what to say she really couldn't believe Callie's reaction, she really liked Tasmin and hearing things come out of Callie's mouth was not her ideal situation before her next surgery. "Torres, no offence but I am not the person to talk to about this, I really like Tasmin and the fact she is doped up on pain meds may cause her to say some things that upset you but honestly you have to sit pregnant brain aside for a while and let it slide."

"What if she is right" Callie softly replied, her mascara running down her cheeks. "What if she just has the guts to say what I don't want to think?"

"Meredith, what did I say to Calliope?" Tasmin was feeling sick and throwing up every 3 minutes, she felt terrible for what she said and needed someone to talk it through with. The vomiting didn't help the situation and Meredith was concerned with her health.

"Tas, I really would like to do another head CT this nausea is not a good sign it could be nothing, but if is something Derek would never forgive me and I would never forgive myself." Meredith was checking her eyes and reaction while they spoke.

"Derek couldn't care less." Tasmin unsure of what she was saying next went on. "I knew about the affair before he did. For fuck sake even Amy knew. Derek... Derek is a really good man. You know that. He takes everything on board as his own burden, like being the man of the house after Dad died, or the affair I bet he just feels stupid for not seeing it, and Ryan, he wasn't there for me when Ryan was dying and died. Jesus that would be a blow to his ego."

"Tasmin Carolyn Miller-Shepherd, you really have no idea do you." Meredith hesitated. "When Amelia O.D he cut her off because it scared him, she scared him losing her would destroy him, the same applies to you, you have suffered loss and he is scared it hurt you more that you are letting on now, if you tell him it destroyed you... well it will destroy him. But that is too late I guess..."

"Why?"

"Look at you" Meredith smiled. But a sad smile which told the pain of onlookers. "You are hurt, and he realises his guilt shouldn't get in the way of a reconciliation, because if this had resulted in an even worse scenario I believe I wouldn't ever get my husband back, or Mark for that matter."

"I love those boys but they have to learn something." Tasmin sat up a little in her bed. "When will I be discharged?"

"Optimistic. Or change of subject?" Meredith booked the CT and left the room leaving Tasmin to think about everything that had happened.

"Meredith!" Tasmin called and Meredith stuck her head around the corner. "When are the cops coming for a statement?"

"They have already tried, you were zonked, but they won't really need one because it was caught on CTTV footage."

"Son of a bitch"

"Yep, I am sorry you had to be alone." Meredith turned around to leave again and in doing so said softly "Derek's sorry you had to fight alone too."

Tasmin lay in the hospital bed as the day passed by. She bribed the nurse to keep her up to date with her patients and they did so. When one of her patients crashed she paged Dr Alderman to let Avery take point, she had been impressed with Avery and felt sorry for the kid who had to compete with Yang, because Yang was the best resident she had seen in cardio, but Avery was solid, egotistic, charming and just needed the chance so Tasmin took him under her wing the name Avery helped as well with some of her patients who had heard of Dr Harper Avery, the name alone assured them they were in good hands.

The first week she worked at Seattle Grace Mercy West was awkward. Derek and Mark avoided her and she was no longer the head of Cardio but worked underneath Dr Teddy Alderman, a surgeon she had never heard of. The residents seemed scarce in her department with everyone raving about a Dr Cristina Yang; of course she believed them because this was the resident that had saved Derek's life. The only resident who seemed to even try and jump on her service was the green eyed hottie from her brother's place Dr Avery, the first week was hell with him, he stumbled and was terrible he seemed like a second year resident to Tasmin but she pursued him with questions for procedures he nailed the theory of the surgeries and the technique but in the tough situations he flunked. Tasmin laid in her hospital bed thinking of the day Dr Avery turned around as if he was just off his game and now had found form, he went from this awkward resident which caused the attending's a headache to a confident forth year bidding for chief resident and the only thing Tasmin could put it down to was the return of Dr Yang.

"Tasmin, letting Avery take point, are you sure?" Alderman swiftly moved to the end of her bed. Out of habit grabbing her chart and flipping through the pages.

"Teddy, honestly, flipping through my chart? So you really think it's going to be that bad?" Tasmin was happy for the distraction.

"Well no. Yes. No it is just that he has never flown solo for a cardio surgery, he is a good surgeon and all but I think it would be safer with Yang or me doing this surgery, maybe next time for Avery."

"Teddy, putting it nicely, you really need to get Yang out of your arse."

"What!"

"Avery is a fourth year the same year as Yang, yet you don't provide equal opportunity, so I am here to balance up the playing field"

"Yeah ok. Do you think he is ready?"

"I wouldn't have given it to him otherwise. Watch him from the gallery if you have time. You will see."

"Your right. I love having you around a cardio surgeon I can bounce everything off, when I am second guessing myself."

"I am sorry"

"For what?"

"For wishing that you did the surgery then you would have lost the patient and well... I am sorry I even thought it; you Teddy are the closest thing I have had to a friend since coming to Seattle, well frankly since I pushed everyone away. Something terrible happens and what do I think of? I think of my friend being in this position instead and all the things I would say to help her."

"Things happen and we blame other people, we blame our decisions we wish it was someone other than ourselves. Don't be sorry if it helps you deal with this, I have a surgery to watch so I better get going. Let's just pray I don't need to scrub in." Teddy walked over and kissed Tasmin on the forehead." I will be back to give you a blow by blow of Avery's solo surgery"

Tasmin nodded and Teddy left the room with a smile on her face. As she lay in her bed she kept an eye on the outside corridor traffic, nurses running around for codes, doctors debating treatment and patients being wheeled from one room to another. After about half an hour, the only update she had gotten was a message from Teddy saying the open went well and all is on track. Tasmin knew her resident would be fine but was still a little anxious for updates, at this time a patient was wheeled past in a bed, handcuffed to the bars, Tasmin immediately recognised the man as her attacker. Her heart skipped a beat and she started breaking out in a sweat. Being such a strong independent women, freaking out made her hate herself a little. There was one thing she felt like doing and that scared her a little. She just wanted to end his life.

**x x x x x x**

Derek sat in the attending's lounge, Mark by his side, Meredith on the other.

"Der maybe it's time you went home, had a shower maybe you could even grab a few hours sleep."

"No I am alright here"

"You're not, but I have to go and check on my patients and yours, so it's your choice." She then looks to Mark. "you too, she is fine I am sure every doctor and nurse will keep you updated."

"I'm good" Mark replied and he placed his hand on Derek's knee. When Meredith left the two began to talk.

"Is it wrong if I want to kill the man, I really had never felt hate for someone so much in my life." Derek spoke bluntly and soft. So cold that even Mark worried a little about Derek.

"I haven't spoken to Tasmin since that night, you know the night that Addie and I, well, the night you found us... now she ends up here after everything else and I just feel like a fucking bastard."

"She is just too good at pushing people away" Derek responded, he had flipped out when Mark told him he knew Ryan had died. "_I went to the funeral". _Derek felt betrayed by his best friend again and Addison, she knew as well. Mark had said that Tasmin threatened Addie and himself never to tell Derek anything about her life, that she should be the one to break the news, she had said that Mark was slutty trash and Addison a cheating whore and if they had spoken of Tasmin's loss she would personally destroy their careers and make their lives hell. Both of them knowing Tasmin didn't doubt her capabilities one bit.

"She did a good job of hiding Ryan's illness from everyone. Did you know that Carey didn't even know? Just having her around the hospital again reminds me of why we were inseparable. She is such a laugh, crazy and really just a bunch of fun and I haven't even spoken to her." Mark laughed a little but continued to stare straight ahead.


End file.
